Archive for Love

Random weeps.

“Every woman on the street constantly tells me that I have the perfect husband. Gaby says that she wishes Carlos was thoughtful like you. Susan wishes Mike has your sense of humour. Bree said she’s never seen a better dad.

How many people go up to you and tell you that you have the perfect wife?

For almost 20 years, all I’ve heard is how incredibly lucky I am to have a guy like you. So, if I don’t constantly brag about how great you are, it’s only because I don’t want to be reminded of how much I don’t deserve you.”

Lynette Scavo, Desperate Housewives 709

Tom and Lynette FTW! Never fails to make me sob uncontrollably even after 7 seasons.

I wanna be 40, raising 5 children while juggling a career, and STILL be in love like these two are.

My Tom Scavo is at work, and I miss him.

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Of Recent and Not-so-recent Events.

Besides the pain and peril I’m going through now that medical school is ending in merely a few weeks’ time, I should also share the fact that I’m helplessly smitten these days.

Last time I was all head over heels for a guy was probably 4-5 years ago, back when I was young and stupid, out fresh from boarding school. I fell for a prick, no less, and God I fell hard. Geez, I would probably still be with him now if only he had put in a lil more effort and if I didn’t play hard-to-get one time too many.

He was the typical middle-class Malay boy with a residential-school education whose life’s ambition is to earn good money through an engineering career, drive a big car, and would go on to marry a soft-spoken Malay girl in tudung, waiting hand and foot at home for him. And I was the loud, foul-mouthed woman with sky-high ambitions and no signs of slowing down. That probably challenged/scared him a lil bit too much, but I guess we were both way too young to figure it all out anyway.

And he didn't speak Ingerlund so well, so that kinda turned me off too. Heh heh.

To say I was heartbroken back then is an overstatement, because when we parted ways I was actually beginning to hate the person that he was becoming. Sure, I was mildly wounded for a while but he was definitely a lesson learned, and I thank God for that one encounter as it made me wiser (really?) in considering potential suitors.

How’s that for closure? Heh.

So now that I’m emotionally more stable *ehem*, and all matured with crystal clear goals and guided ambitions, I might’ve just opened up to a man who could possibly make me fall head over heels again.

Now he is the complete opposite of a man I’ve always thought I would be dating. He may even be a breath of fresh air, because he’s just so different in a lot of ways. He’s no softie, but he’s not the things that traditionally defines a man, you know – sports and cars and cock-talk and all the other shit that comes with it.

But what defines a man, really? What if he’s all manly but he didn’t actually have the guts to ask you out because he’s afraid that you’ll outsmart him and makes him feel like the lesser person in the relationship? What if he looks all rough and plays rugby (or other contact sports, please insert here) but he doesn’t give a shit when his woman just wants to be held because she’s had a rough day?

What if this macho man tells you he loves you, but behind your back he has his own set of Teman Tapi Mesra and he tells girls that he’s actually single? What if this ambitious man who had made a promise that he would make an honest woman out of you chickened out halfway just because he feels like it? I’d say, suck your balls, pegi mampus lah wey buat perempuan macam tu.

Wah bitter siot. Ini semua kisah benar, tak tipu punya.

So my point is, this guy is more of a man than most guys I know will ever be. At least he’s got the courage to try and pursue me. I’ve gotten way too many remarks over the years that guys were too intimidated to date me, so it’s nice to know that someone’s  growing out of his insecurities and is working his way slowly to my heart. Haha. Ayat cam haram ok.

Anyway, we’ve been good friends for years and he just knows me too well. In recent months he has made me happy in ways that I sometimes could not comprehend. You know, butterflies and all that jazz? Sometimes it scares the shit outta me too because it just feels so right and I can’t help but wonder if this is IT? And help me God I know this is corny gile babs, but I haven’t felt this happy for a long, long time.

I just hope he knows how he makes me feel, because I simply suck at showing it despite kononnya being a self-professed hopeless romantic. It had been ingrained since my earlier years that if I was being too expressive I would look easy. And weak, which is the last thing a hard-headed, hardcore professional woman would wanna portray herself as.

But hey, life is too short to be playing hard-to-get (again), and trust me I’m not. Maybe I’ve mellowed, too. Which isn’t a bad thing, to say the least.

Now it’s a bit premature to tell if he is the real deal, so I’m just going to cherish what we have for now and see where it will take us. I heard that some people are giving him a hard time, but it only matters what I think of him and I can safely say that I am proud of the man he’s becoming. 🙂

OK I can’t believe I actually spent like the last half an hour writing this piece of shit. I applaud you if you’ve actually read up till here, kih kih. Well I don’t usually put up my emotions on display, not in this blog anyway, but today is just one those days, y’know. Screw it.

And I hope he doesn't read this. -____-

Baiklah I need to study Obstetrics prontoooo. Bye2.

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Because L is for the way you look at me.

There’s just so much love in the air, I couldn’t resist.

My babe Munie got married yesterday and I am super happy for her! To have found a person you’re confident enough to live a lifetime with, that’s really something. To Munie, sorry we couldn’t give you the kickass hen night you deserve due to some unforeseen circumstances that took place. But those times we spent prior to the wedding were priceless and I sure hope you can be there when I find my happy ending too. 🙂

Oh did I mention that I love the wedding? She looked super radiant and so pretty like I’ve never seen her! Munie’s dress was to-die-for and the hantarans pun cantik gila. Us bridesmaids got to dress up in pink too!

But in general, I just loveeee weddings. OK fine, it’s  a bit unhealthy for a single gal like me who’s supposed to be all bitter and whatnot with girlfriends getting married left, right and center. But it celebrates love and all things corny so what’s not to like kan? Haha. Silly.

I am honest to God happy that my girlfriends have found love, and in time, I too, hope that I will find a person who will complement me and love me for the things that I am. Yes, the weeper, the hopeless romantic and the kiasu me. All of it.

Ahhhh all these talk is so overwhelming weh.

Congratulations again to Munie and Matde! Quoting a wise friend, marriage is a gamble anyways so just suck it up and make the best out of it!

P/S : Wedding present later ok. Pitih takdok.

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Belasungkawa.

While I’ve been busying myself with all things worldly and insignificant, a dear friend went through the hardest thing a person could ever go through.

She lost her dad to the C word.

I was taken aback when I first received her text. Uncle was supposed to be fine albeit already having some complications of the disease and I was all geared up to visit him next week. God clearly had better plans when He decided  to pull the plug much earlier than his doctors had predicted.

I can’t even begin to imagine what my dear friend is going through during this hard, difficult time. Being the master weeper that I am, I had tears trickling down when I broke the news to our mutual comrades. Tears are even swelling up as I write this, but I know it can never compare to the heartache that she must be experiencing right now.

Uncle as I remember was an overall nice guy. A competent professional with a towering personality and I dare say, the most humble, down-to-earth person I’ve ever met in my life. He led a simple life, always putting others first before his own needs, be it his family or his patients. I’ve heard stories after stories on how he struggled during his earlier years of conversion to Islam, of how he excelled through medical school with very limited funds and ultimately his journey to become the high-flying, great person that he was throughout his lifetime.

Probably my most favourite story of him was of a certain “Buku 555”. During his times of financial hardship years back, he took the effort to write down the names of everyone he ever borrowed money from as well as the amount of debt in that little book. He was determined to pay everyone back once he started earning his own salary. And true to his words, he paid in full to each and everyone that he was indebted to, even if it was just a few Ringgit. Him and his saintly ways are living proof that good, kind Samaritans still exist in this cold hard World.

It was a known fact among our colleagues that my dear friend had always talked  so fondly of her Papa. Papa this, Papa that. Yes, I think most of us might have envied her at some point for having such a wonderful person around as a dad. He was truly an inspiration, and he will be dearly missed by all of us. As for me, I will always have that image of him giving her (rather heavy) baby brother a piggyback ride up the stairs during our stay at her place 2 years ago. Good times, those were.

So my dear friend, grief all you want and come back stronger than ever. The upcoming few months will be tough, and not having Papa around will make things a notch harder than it already is.

But we are here for you.

I am here for you.

I will do whatever it takes to make sure we win this rat race together, and you shall make Papa proud of the woman that you are and you will be. Allah works in mysterious ways, so let us all pray that there will be a silver lining to this big dark cloud.

I love you.

Tribute for Allahyarham Dr. Mohd Arif Kor Abdullah. 1961 -2009.

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Tag-o-rama

This is me, de-stressing.

Was tagged by NK some few entries ago, and it so happens that I’m in the mood for the tagging business.

First tag.

1) Take a recent picture of yourself or take a picture of yourself right NOW!. 2) DON’T change your clothes, DON’T fix your hair…just take a picture. 3) Post that picture with NO editing. 4) Post these instruction with your picture. 5) Tag 10 people to do this.

My phone doesn’t have a camera (It’s a 4 year-old Nokia 6610 which still functions VERY WELL despite multiple falls and toilet misfortunes HAHA. And I intend to keep this baby of mine until I earn enough moolah to buy myself a Blackberry. Which will be lagi 2 years kot?) and my digital camera apparently eats alkaline battery for breakfast, hence the pictureless post.

Next tag.

A wedding tag. 🙂 A few of my girlfriends are getting engaged/married very soon, so I’ve been indulging in their wedding fantasies a bit too much that I just have to come up with my own set of answers! Mind you I have a very limited imagination and I enjoy being practical, so what you read here might materialize sebijik-sebijik during the wedding. If it’ll ever take place lah. LOL.

1.How old are you?
22.

2. Are you single?
Very.

3. In what age do you think you’ll get married?
Hmmh. I’d say around 28-30. Considering a woman’s short reproductive age and to avoid cancer risks, I don’t oppose the idea of tying the knot even earlier than that though. Nuha said and I quote – “The clock is ticking!

4. Do you think you’ll be marrying the person you are with now?
Not applicable.

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
Mister Right. The one I fall head over heels for. The one who make me go weak at the knees.

6. Do you want a garden/beach wedding, or the traditional wedding?
A garden wedding! I do want some traditional aspects incorporated because I’m just conventional like that. Beach wedding won’t work for me, nanti tudung kulop y’all. LOL.

7. Your ideal motif?
WHITE, with blue irises/orange lilies as deco. But if were to pick a colour, a light shade of orange would be nice. But it depends on the colour of the groom as well. Ehem.

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
MONACO!! Basically anywhere nice with a kick ass hotel service because as newlyweds we would wanna spend more of our time indoors….right? Haha.

9. How many guests do you think you’ll invite?
I have a BIG family, so a small intimate event won’t work for me. Probably a thousand guests.

10. Do you want an extravagant wedding or a simple wedding?
A classy, sophisticated one.

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you’d make up on your own??
I’ll totally make up something on my own, and it’ll be as corny as hell so you’ve been warned! And it’d be nice if he would somehow emulate Preston Burke’s vow and put a little twist to make it sound his own.

12. How many layers of cake do you want to have?
A sumptuous 2-tier red velvet cake, covered in white icing swirls and topped with sugar roses.

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or at a simple place?
Hotel receptions would cost a bomb, plus it won’t accommodate a lot of guest. So at home it will be. A destination wedding would be nice, but it would be a hassle to plan for. Not practical.

14. When do you want to get married, evening or morning?
Doesn’t matter, as long as it doesn’t interrupt waktu solat and tak panas. I don’t wanna mess my make-up!

15. You’d rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?
Outdoors, please.

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom/bride?
Yes!

17. Name the song/tune you’d like played at your wedding?
These 3 songs will be played on heavy rotation : Carpenter’s Close To You, Dewa 19’s Kasidah Cinta, and Edwin McCain’s I Couldn’t Ask For More.  And he has to sing me Angel by Jack Johnson to which I would reply with Love Is You by Chrisette Michele. Hoho.

18. Are you a morning person or a night person?
A night person. I am veryyyy cranky in the morning sans my coffee fix.

19. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?
A light one.

20. What age do you want to get married?
Hmmmh. 28 ish? After internship, definitely.

21. Describe your ideal husband/wife.

BLACK,BALD,BUFF,LOOKS LIKE TYSON BECKFORD,SINGS LIKE JOHN LEGEND,

Just someone who gets me. Someone who is funny, witty, intellectual, confident but self-deprecating, adventurous, and spiritual. Someone who respects me, my family, and my friends. Someone who will not stand in the way of my ambitions, and supports me throughout the way. Andddd kalau boleh someone who is not a doctor. Cukuplah aku sorang je geek.

I’d like to think that all the aforementioned qualities are actually achievable. Insha-Allah. 🙂 (Yes Dinie, I remain optimistic!)

22. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal spoon & fork/knife?
Normal fork and spoon. Tangan pun ok.

23. Champagne or red wine?
Neither.

24. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
Right after! I doubt if that is possible though, because my mom had always said that “Lepas habis majlis, pengantin kena tolong sental periuk“. But we’re definitely getting a caterer so there’ll be no periuk to sental la kan?

25. Money or household item?
Tak kisah. Surprise me!

26. Who will pay for the bills?
Both of us will.

27. Are you ready for married life?
As for now, hell no.

28. Do you think you will still be a virgin until u get married?
Definitely. But quoting NK, “Unless John Legend/James Mc Avoy/Thierry Henry is all alone with me on a deserted island. Hahahaa.”

29. Will you always be true to your wife/husband?
Always will. And hopefully it’ll go both ways too. I’ll beat the crap out of him if  he cheats haha.

30. How many kids do you like?
2-3. No twins please. Too much to handle at one time.

31. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?
A new one. Probably a cosy apartment for two in the suburbs of KL. Kot-kot I marry a millionnaire, a place like The Troika is an option too. Ngee.

32. Will you celebrate silver wedding, gold wedding, or diamond wedding?
Doesn’t really matter. But I do want to have something like a vow-renewal ceremony when we get older, to reaffirm our love and whatnot. Sweeeet.

33. What kind of cuisine would you like for your wedding?
Fusion. East meets west. Will it be too much to ask for kambing golek? Oh and a dessert bar is a must!

34. Will you record your honeymoon in a cd or dvd?
Dvd. Cd mesti takkan muat.

I’m tagging my UPM mates: Farah, Munie, Anot, Lynn and Nana. De-stress people! Hahaa

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