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Parenthesis.

Ryan Bingham: I thought I was a part of your life.
Alex Goran: I thought we signed up for the same thing… I thought our relationship was perfectly clear. You are an escape. You’re a break from our normal lives. You’re a parenthesis.
Ryan Bingham: I’m a parenthesis?

Up In The Air, 2009

Because I sure hope I’m not one, too.

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Speakong

I just got back from a class with a senior Professor who was so anal about our spoken English during case presentations. He made it a point to correct even the subtlest of grammatical mistakes, making the class run longer than it should, much to the dismay of my friends who only signed up for the medicine and not additional English lessons.

I personally didn’t mind at all. I think what he did was wise as the use of good English is a crucial component in our professional development as competent future health professionals. (and the future ain’t that far either, we’re graduating in a month’s time kot!)

Now my English is obviously farrrrrr from perfect, but I sometimes do cringe in agony hearing people say things like “That’s mean” or “No any surgical scar..”.

Sigh.

This reminds me of a story when I presented an Orthopaedic long case the other day. Right after my history of presenting illness, this lecturer of mine asked,

Hidayu, which secondary school were you from?”

I hesitated in saying STF, because people generally won’t know what STF stands for unless they have a boarding school background or they live in JB. So to be safe I responded,

Err, Tun Fatimah?”

Oh sebab the way you speak English macam you’re from TKC.

-______-

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Ok so I took that as a compliment for me, but just not for my school. Heheh. It is a well-known fact that TKC girls are generally very fluent in English. This generalization also includes a pseudo-fact that majority of their students came from rich, upper-class, English-speaking Malay families so it was only natural for them to have better English as compared to their other boarding school counterparts.

During my time in STF we rarely spoke in English, perhaps maybe just in English classes and to friends whom we’re used to speak in English with. It wasn’t as if we couldn’t, but I guess you might come across as, ummmmh, a lil pretentious to speak English in an all-Malay environment? Very, very bad mentality especially in a kononnya prestigious school, but that was the vibe that I got back in the days.

I didn’t come from an English-speaking family, but I was thankful that I befriended 3/4 of the school’s English debaters which meant I always had to keep up with their vast vocabularies. Phew, thanks guys. It was only in uni that I started speaking a lot of English, thanks to having re-discovered multiracial friendships.

In view of the school’s recent High-Performance status BS and excellent exam results, I just hope that the kids have started to speak in English among themselves. It may be a tad too late if English is only spoken formally during tertiary education because “That’s mean” has become such a norm that it doesn’t feel like an error anymore.

Get out of that stupid sempit shell of ours, and start seing the world as it should be. You don’t know how much you’re missing out, kiddos. Make it a point to speak in English as much as you can, watch English movies (without subtitles, please) and read English news/books/blogs for a change. (using a Facebook English medium doesn’t count ok).

And of course, this reminder goes out to me too. I’m on a journey of self-improvement myself, so please correct me if you ever hear me make silly grammatical mistakes! Screw embarassment. It’s better to be corrected now than when you’re presenting at a world-class conference later and be laughed at because of the poor standard of your English.

Sekian incoherent ramblings of the day. Teacher Mimi must be proud of me. Kih kih.

P/S : I recently found out that this lecturer who made the TKC remark is actually a Koleq boy. Saw him donning that familiar maroon tie last Wednesday, which explains the remark because all Koleq guys I know are dating/have dated or at least friends with a TKCian. Again, a generalization. LOL.

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Of Recent and Not-so-recent Events.

Besides the pain and peril I’m going through now that medical school is ending in merely a few weeks’ time, I should also share the fact that I’m helplessly smitten these days.

Last time I was all head over heels for a guy was probably 4-5 years ago, back when I was young and stupid, out fresh from boarding school. I fell for a prick, no less, and God I fell hard. Geez, I would probably still be with him now if only he had put in a lil more effort and if I didn’t play hard-to-get one time too many.

He was the typical middle-class Malay boy with a residential-school education whose life’s ambition is to earn good money through an engineering career, drive a big car, and would go on to marry a soft-spoken Malay girl in tudung, waiting hand and foot at home for him. And I was the loud, foul-mouthed woman with sky-high ambitions and no signs of slowing down. That probably challenged/scared him a lil bit too much, but I guess we were both way too young to figure it all out anyway.

And he didn't speak Ingerlund so well, so that kinda turned me off too. Heh heh.

To say I was heartbroken back then is an overstatement, because when we parted ways I was actually beginning to hate the person that he was becoming. Sure, I was mildly wounded for a while but he was definitely a lesson learned, and I thank God for that one encounter as it made me wiser (really?) in considering potential suitors.

How’s that for closure? Heh.

So now that I’m emotionally more stable *ehem*, and all matured with crystal clear goals and guided ambitions, I might’ve just opened up to a man who could possibly make me fall head over heels again.

Now he is the complete opposite of a man I’ve always thought I would be dating. He may even be a breath of fresh air, because he’s just so different in a lot of ways. He’s no softie, but he’s not the things that traditionally defines a man, you know – sports and cars and cock-talk and all the other shit that comes with it.

But what defines a man, really? What if he’s all manly but he didn’t actually have the guts to ask you out because he’s afraid that you’ll outsmart him and makes him feel like the lesser person in the relationship? What if he looks all rough and plays rugby (or other contact sports, please insert here) but he doesn’t give a shit when his woman just wants to be held because she’s had a rough day?

What if this macho man tells you he loves you, but behind your back he has his own set of Teman Tapi Mesra and he tells girls that he’s actually single? What if this ambitious man who had made a promise that he would make an honest woman out of you chickened out halfway just because he feels like it? I’d say, suck your balls, pegi mampus lah wey buat perempuan macam tu.

Wah bitter siot. Ini semua kisah benar, tak tipu punya.

So my point is, this guy is more of a man than most guys I know will ever be. At least he’s got the courage to try and pursue me. I’ve gotten way too many remarks over the years that guys were too intimidated to date me, so it’s nice to know that someone’s  growing out of his insecurities and is working his way slowly to my heart. Haha. Ayat cam haram ok.

Anyway, we’ve been good friends for years and he just knows me too well. In recent months he has made me happy in ways that I sometimes could not comprehend. You know, butterflies and all that jazz? Sometimes it scares the shit outta me too because it just feels so right and I can’t help but wonder if this is IT? And help me God I know this is corny gile babs, but I haven’t felt this happy for a long, long time.

I just hope he knows how he makes me feel, because I simply suck at showing it despite kononnya being a self-professed hopeless romantic. It had been ingrained since my earlier years that if I was being too expressive I would look easy. And weak, which is the last thing a hard-headed, hardcore professional woman would wanna portray herself as.

But hey, life is too short to be playing hard-to-get (again), and trust me I’m not. Maybe I’ve mellowed, too. Which isn’t a bad thing, to say the least.

Now it’s a bit premature to tell if he is the real deal, so I’m just going to cherish what we have for now and see where it will take us. I heard that some people are giving him a hard time, but it only matters what I think of him and I can safely say that I am proud of the man he’s becoming. 🙂

OK I can’t believe I actually spent like the last half an hour writing this piece of shit. I applaud you if you’ve actually read up till here, kih kih. Well I don’t usually put up my emotions on display, not in this blog anyway, but today is just one those days, y’know. Screw it.

And I hope he doesn't read this. -____-

Baiklah I need to study Obstetrics prontoooo. Bye2.

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I’d Do It All Again.

Just cause I’m feeling pretty mellow. Corinne Bailey Rae is amazing.

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Definitely, maybe.

When in doubt, watch Definitely, Maybe (for the umpteenth time) and cry/laugh/smile like you’ve never seen it before.

Works for me, every time.

🙂

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20/20.

cheated

Raya Sunday Secret

One day, I might just do that too.

Don’t get me wrong. I am beyond grateful to NOT have refractive error, but I’ve always wanted to know what it feels like to have glasses on. Heh.

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Tweet.

John Legend on Twitter

Silly fangirl, PostSecret style.

Tee hee.

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